A new year is here and I'm thinking I should write something profound. However, I'm drawing a blank. So, here it is, raw and uncensored, how I'm really feeling.
As you may or may not know, this year has not been the best for us Gilberts. It has been a year of unacheived goals, "unanswered" prayers, hopes being dashed, bubbles being burst... well, you get the idea. The most frustating part of the year is that most of these things have been out of our control. Being the control freak that I am, I don't like it when things are out of my control and I like it even less when they don't go the way I want and there is nothing I can do about it.
December came and things went from bad to worse. Between being sick for weeks on end, being sure we had finally found a place to live and then having that fall through and James being laid off, finding a job the same day and then getting laid off two weeks later, I had no Christmas spirit. I was downright miserable. *Note: Lest you think I'm an ungrateful wretch, I was still greatful for the blessing of the season, it just wasn't in the forefront of my mind as it should have been!* I tried repeatedly to get out of the funk I was in. Nothing worked. I constantly reminded myself that things could have been much worse. No one I loved had passed on or was deathly ill, my health issues had been more of a constant annoyance than anything major, TJ was healthy and happy, I had a wonderful husband who loved me and a close family who was always there for me. I wasn't completely homeless, I had food on the table, all my basic needs were met. But I still felt like crap. I felt like a failure. My business has not grown the way I hoped so I had to go back to work, James was, yet again, out of work and there is no hope in sight as far as moving into our own place goes. Every major thing we had set out to accomplish through the past year had not worked out, despite our best efforts. Talk about feeling discouraged!
Then, yesterday, James and I went to the temple. It was much needed because it had been a while, but I didn't really expect any answers. *Note: Again, please don't think the worst of me!! Its not because I didn't believe or anything, I've just never recieved any of those smack you in the face answers that everyone talks about.* We left later than we anticipated, so we got to the temple too late for the 10:30 session, but super early for the 11:30 session. As I was sitting in the chapel, waiting for James (who, by the way, takes a ridiculously long time to get dressed!) I grabbed the Book of Mormon in front of me. This was my usual routine while waiting, so I wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary. I always let the book fall to where it will and then begin reading. So, it opened to Moroni 7:37-48 (its pretty long, so I'm you'll have to read it for yourself, I don't feel like typing it all out!).
Talk about perfect! It was just what I needed to end the year! So, now its 2009 and I am hoping for a better year than last. I am hoping to see success and to accomplish those goals that had to be postponed. However, I'm not going to focus on those things as much as I did last year. I have wonderful friends and family. I'm talking amazing. I have the opportunity to improve myself daily. I am mostly healthy and I can choose to be happy, even if things don't work out the way I planned. I am feeling very opitomistic about life in general, which kind of surprises me!
I wish all of you the best year so far! Happy 2009!!
Spring Break - Downtown SL and Aunt Tammy's!
1 year ago
2 comments:
I (as you well know) have always believed that everything happens for a reason, we may not know what that reason is right away, but things will always work themselves out. I personally believe you accomplished a great deal over the past year inspite of all the set backs. And you also helped me through some VERY difficult times, which I am profoundly greatful for.
I'm glad you have adopted a new, more optimistic outlook for the new year and have set forth "hopes" rather than resolutions.... I think hopes and wishes are far less overwhelming and don't put as much pressure on you to see that you accomplish them.
As long as you keep moving forward in some way - even if it's simply getting out of bed and brushing your teeth in the morning - then you have accomplished something and you have been successful.
Keep believing in yourself, keep hope alive, know that you are so loved by so many people.
Amen Sista!! I 100% agree with all that you have said. And I KNOW for a fact that this year is going to be GREAT!!
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