Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Weight Loss Wednesday: Balance

Last week, I got to go out with a bunch of ladies for deserts and, as often happens when many women gather together, the topic of conversation turned to weight loss.  As you might expect, between the table, we had tried pretty much everything imaginable.  Some of us (well, not me) have had more success than others and everyone had their own opinions on what worked and what didn't.  As I sat there and listened, one thing kept coming into my mind.  Balance.  Life is all about balance.  I think its important to eat right and exercise and (hopefully) get to and maintain a healthy weight.  However, it won't matter how skinny I get if I'm not enjoying my life while I'm skinny.  For me, good food is part of enjoying life.  I don't need to enjoy something rich and not good for you every day, but if I'm going out, I want to be able to enjoy myself without feeling guilty.  If all I do all day long is work out and I ignore my kids and husband, I may fit in to my dream jeans, but I'll be missing out on some of life's most important times.  As much as weight loss is important to me, if I can't eat the occasional cookie or binge on a yummy desert, than its not for me!  I've decided my goal isn't weight loss.  It's balance.  And if weight loss happens, then that's a happy side effect!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Ten on Tuesday

{1} I have strep throat again/still.  I feel like crap.  Not Fun!!

 {2}Kezia has started pulling herself to standing, but not too often, because we have nothing for her to pull up on!

{3}  I keep tying to get pictures of Kezia and I get a lot of this...

And this...

{4} I love that TJ would rather have salad instead of fries.  Makes my heart happy.

{5} I made a zillion cupcakes for James' bake sale for school, but don't remember if I ever put up the picture I took of them.  I think they turned out cute.  I also made strawberry ones with vanilla icing, but the picture of them didn't turn out too cute. I also made a zillion sugar cookies as well as a bunch of giant heart cookies.  (James actually made the giant cookies, but whatever!)  Yep, I'm just that good of a wife! ;)

{6} If you've seen Myles (or were in my Sunday School class this week and heard him snoring!) you know that he has some nasal issues.  We were referred to a specialist forever ago and we finally got in to see her today.

(Myles got to suck on a sugar free/dye free/something else free candy flavored tongue depresser. He loved it.)

It turns out he has severe allergies to dust/mold/life/ect.  He has a nasal spray that he has to take every night, allergy meds he has to take every morning, he has to take a steroid for the next 5 days and antibiotics to prevent any infections caused by the steroid lowering his immune system for the next 10 days.  After that he'll be getting an inhaler to add to the mix, plus lots of testing and xrays of adnoids ect.  He has his first xray scheduled for the beginning of May.  Chances are he'll have to have his adnoids removed, but we'll wait and see.  In the meantime, I have to do everything possible to keep dust out of my house.  Ha!  I live in a house that is over 100 years old.  Dust just magically appears.  We can keep the dog for now, but she has to be bathed a minimum of twice a week, combed daily (multiple times is best), change Myles' bedding a minimum of twice a week, wash any curtains ect in our house at least once a month, among a bunch of other small things.  Add to that the fact that there is mold in the bathroom and we don't have the money to do the renos yet and I'm a little stressed out.  Fortunately, she is a great doctor and I'm sure we'll make it so my little man doesn't sound like Darth Vader all the time!

{7} Speaking of finances, I'm more than a little stressed about life at the moment.  I'm not putting this on her so people will think poor me.  I'm putting it here because this is pretty much my journal and I think this is important to note for those days in the future when I'm so wealthy, money isn't a concern. ;)  Seriously though, I lost my job the end of January and I thought I had to wait for my record of employment to apply for EI.  That's how it was when I went on mat leave with TJ, so I assumed it was the same now.  So I'm waiting and waiting and it never comes. I called my previous employer several times and they kept saying it was coming.  Then, the fourth or fifth time I called, they said they were all filed electronically and had been filed weeks ago!  AHHHHHHH!!!  So now we get to go for all of March with only James' part time income.  It doesn't even cover a 1/3 of our bills.  Ugh.  So. Not. Impressed.

{8} Forever ago, I put in my story for this photographer who was doing something called Operation: Confidence.  You can check it out here if you want to. 

{9}I'm too tired to come up with any more.  Sorry!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Mommy Monday...Memories

Clearly, last week was a total bust on keeping up with my new schedule.  And honestly, I don't even have many good reasons.  I was busy, but no busier than usual.  Mostly, I just wasn't by my computer too much and it takes so long to type things on my phone!  But, whats done is done and now to move on!

I've been having a bunch of random thoughts on memories lately, so here they are!

{1} Making memories is something that is so important to me.  I have some really great memories of my childhood and most of them weren't ones that cost a lot of money.  (Don't get me wrong, Disneyland was awesome and I will take my kids there someday, but its not like that's the only memory I have!)  I love taking time to look back on those memories and remember the good times my family had.  Especially now that things are so messed up in our family. 

{2} I find it hard to balance things that need to be done, like cleaning, meals, ect. with things I want to do.  Often, the want to do things get pushed aside to make time for things that need to/should get done.  The problem is that too often spending time with my kids gets put on the want to do list and not the need to do list.  The biggest reason is that I'm not a "sit on the floor and play with your kids" kind of mom.  I love doing things like baking or crafts or going for walks with them.  And those things are usually things that take more time and planning.  And I try to plan time for it, but, as all mom's know, plans rarely go the way you want them to! I meed to get better at seizing opportunities to put down the broom and pick up my kids.

{3} I want to get back to preserving my memories.  I love scrapbooking and its been a very long time since I've done any!  Now that my craft room is almost finished, I really want to get back to it!  I'd also love to learn more about digital scrapbooking.  Anyone have any suggestions on really great tutorials or programs?  Keep in mind that I'm technologically retarded.

{4} Speaking of capturing memories, I'm REALLY wanting a DSLR camera.  Not to become a professional photographer, but to improve the quality of my pictures.  I know I have to wait until James has a job to buy one, but I'm a researcher and like to plan ahead. Any suggestions?  Ones to stay away from?  Again, keep in mind that even the simplest point and shoot has gotten the best of me, so this is a huge step!!

I had planned on taking a couple pictures of kiddos having fun today and doing a little questionnaire, but I'm feeling like I'm getting sick again, so there wasn't much fun happening today.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Ten on Tuesday

{1} I bought over 40 purses this weekend. Holy crap. SO excited, but SO scared they won't sell or others won't like them or people will think they're too pricy or ...

{2} I get to go to yoga tonight! Woo hoo!

{3} I made significant progress in my room!!!!!!

{4} Kezia slept from 3:30 yesterday afternoon til I woke her up at 9 this morning because we had to leave.

{5} I had strep last week and James got it. I hate it when he is sick. He is SUCH a baby!!!!

{6} I feel guilty wearing shoes that aren't ones I sell. Goofy, huh!

{7} TJ has told me about 20 times how much he missed me this weekend. It makes me happy to know despite how much he fights me, he really does love me.

{8} I hate being fat.

{9} my house looks like I haven't been home in 4 days. Ugh.

{10} I'm sad I didn't get to teach this month. I love my calling and missed it!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Self Reliant Saturday

Today I'm taking a poll. 72 hour kits have been on my mind a lot lately. What are things that you have in yours that aren't necessarily obvious? Any ideas on the best way to start putting them together without breaking the bank? Any good master lists? I've been doing some research, but would love to hear from you!

Friday, February 17, 2012

DIY Friday

Today's  episode of DIY Friday is brought to you by... Valentine's Day.

Yep, I know its a a few days gone, but oh well.  You get my recap today! 
TJ's had to take valentine's for his preschool class as well as his parent preschool class.  I love making things.  I know to some mom's its stressful.  To me, it's a huge stress reliever.  Doing stuff with my hands makes me happy.  So, of course, making TJ's valentine's was the only option!

So I found this (courtesy of pintrest)  ...

and put my mad photoshopping skills to work. (Ha! I know how to crop and add a text box. And that is the end of my photoshop knowledge.)  And ended up with this...
 Of course, it had to be paired with some yummy homemade heart donuts (that I forgot to take a picture of!)

And that's that.  TJ was thrilled, I was happy, all was good! 

But it gets even better!!  The summer before James and I got married, I got James a print of his favorite picture. 

photo from here
We were beyond broke, so framing wasn't an option at the time, but I planned on getting it framed for Christmas.  Then Christmas came and we were SO broke because James had to have surgery on both of his wrists, so he was out of work for the first 3 and half months we were married and our wedding was 2 weeks after Christmas.  I thought, no big deal, I can buy a simple frame and do it myself.  Turns out, big deal.  The print I got was an odd size.  A very large odd size.  So, in order to frame it, I either had to buy a frame that was huge and figure out something with a mat or had to custom frame it.  Several times over the past years, I have priced out getting it framed or matted.  The cheapest I have been able to get anything done was $340.  Gag.  Then a couple weeks ago, I had a coupon for an additional 20% off custom framing at Michael's.  I figured, what the heck, I'd give them another go. I mean, it's 70% off, it can't be that bad, right.  Ha!  They quoted me $380 AFTER the discount.  So, I wandered for a while because I kind of love craft stores.  And I saw a frame that was on sale.  It was regularly $190 on sale for $39!!  And it was big enough!  Cautiously, I asked how much a custom mat would be.  Well, I guess the lady took pity on me because she said it was only $38!!  So for less than $80, I got everything I needed to frame his picture.  I put in on our bed while he was out running an errand and then asked him to grab my shoes before our date.  He was SHOCKED!!  It was the best suprise ever!  And by doing it myself, I saved over $300!!

Thankful Thrusday Week 3

Weight loss Wednesday

Yet again, blogger deleted 2 of my posts. It's really putting a kink in my plan to stay on schedule!  Anywho, I don't have time to retype my entire post, so instead you get this...

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

10 on Tuesday - Love Edition

Happy Valentines Day everyone! In honor of love day, I'm going to tell you 10 things I love about my hubby. Original, aren't I?!

{1} He loves me for me
{2} He is such an awesome Dad
{3} I love that he supports me in anything I want to try. He puts up with a lot.
{4} He isn't afraid to be himself
{5} I love how much he tries to make people happy. He is so willing to help whenever it's needed.
{6} He is working so hard to make our life better
{7} I like his quirky smile. It kind of melts my heart
{8} He knows how to make me smile, even when I don't want to
{9} I love that even though we share almost no common interests outside of our kids, we rarely run out of things to talk about
{10} I love love love that somehow, he finds a way every day to let me know he cares

Now, go out and share some love!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Mommy Monday

I found this quote the other day on pinterest and it spoke to my heart.

 After everything that happened with Kezia, our doctor STRONGLY recommended that we not get pregnant again. This was really hard for me to hear.

James and I started our marriage thinking that having our own biological children was an extremely minute possibility. We planned on adoption when the time was right and I had made my peace with that. (or at least as much as anyone can. You really never fully accept it or stop feeling "broken". At least I didn't.) Then a miracle happened and TJ came along. He was followed by two more miracles. Each pregnancy was horrible and included lots of doctor ordered bed rest. Myles' delivery was the only one that didn't involve me hemorrhaging.

Once I knew that I could have children, I just assumed that I would have that "I'm done" feeling when the time came. I don't have that feeling. I don't feel strongly that we need to have more either. But being told I need to be done has taken a while for me to accept. I spent a lot of time crying, but I realize now I need to spend more time being grateful for the miracles I was given and less time crying that I don't get to have that again. I am eternally grateful for the the chance that I have to raise 3 amazing little munchikins.  And who knows, maybe someday adoption will be part of our plans again.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Self Reliant Saturday

Quite a while ago, my Mother-in-Law gave me a list that I thought was I great thing!  Then I promptly lost it! In cleaning things out, I found it again!  I'm so excited!  We are going to start the $5/week food storage! 

The idea is that you set aside $5 each week to buy the items on the list.  Some weeks, you don't buy anything, but still put that $5 aside so that you can buy something a little more expensive the next week.  If you have any change left, put it back in your jar (or envelope or whatever you're using!) to put towards other purchases!

Here is the list:

Week 1:Two cans tuna fish, 2 boxes salt
Week 2: 5 boxes of Macaroni and Cheese, 4 cans tomato soup
Week 3: 3 cans mushroom soup, 1 2.5 lb peanut butter
Week 4: 1 bottle vitamins
Week 5: 4 cans tomato soup, 1 10 lb powdered milk
Week 6: 1 bottle aspirin (500 tablets)
Week 7: 1 100 lb container wheat
Week 8: 1 5 lb powdered milk
Week 9:1 5 lb honey
Week 10:4 cans tuna, 4 boxes macaroni and cheese
Week 11:1 10 lb sugar, 1 box salt
Week 12:4 cans mushroom soup
Week 13:1 bottle vitamins
Week 14:1 100 lb wheat
Week 15:1 box macaroni and cheese
Week 16:1 5 lb honey
Week 17:2 cans tuna, 4 can tomato soup
Week 18:1 10 lbs sugar
Week 19:1 100 lbs of wheat
Week 20:2 10lbs of sugar
Week 21: 10lb powdered milk
Week 22:1 can mushroom soup, 1 10 lb sugar
Week 23:1 can tuna, 4 cans tomato soup, 1 10 lbs sugar
Week 24:1 10 lbs sugar
Week 25:2 cans tuna, 2 cans mushroom soup
Week 26:1 100 lb wheat
Week 27:3 10 lbs sugar
Week 28:1 10 lb sugar
Week 29:1 10 lb powdered milk
Week 30:2 10 lb sugar
Week 31:1 can tuna, 3 cans mushroom soup
Week 32:1 can tuna, 4 cans tomato soup
Week 33:1 100 lb wheat
Week 34:2 cans tuna, 1 box salt
Week 35:1 10 lb powdered milk
Week 36:2 10 lb sugar
Week 37:4 cans tomato soup, 2 boxes salt
Week 38:
Week 39:1 100 lb wheat
Week 40:1 10 lb powdered milk
Week 41:3 10 lb sugar
Week 42:2 cans tomato soup, 1 10 lb sugar
Week 43:2 cans tomato soup, 2 cans mushroom soup
Week 44:
Week 45:1 10 lb powdered milk
Week 46:4 cans tomato soup, 4 cans mushroom soup
Week 47:1 10 lb powdered milk
Week 48:4 cans mushroom soup, 1 10 lb powdered milk
Week 49:7 cans of tomato soup
Week 50:7 cans of mushroom soup
Week 51:2 10 lbs sugar, 1 box salt

I kind of think the list is a little outdated, because I don't really know where you can get 100 lbs of wheat for $5. However, the thought is good an its a good starting place! Keep in mind, this list is meant for 2 people. Also, adapt it to your families likes/abilities. For example, I don't have a wheat grinder (yet) so I'm not sure how practical buying wheat would be.  But thats a subject for another day! 

DIY Friday

*I  did post this post on Friday ( and Saturday's post on Saturday too!) but apparantly my phone was having issues!*

I would like to thank you.  I planned that this was my "clean the sewing room/bedroom" week.  I felt like garbage on Thursday, but I picked at things.  Today I felt better, but had no motivation.  However, I told myself "if I don't do this, I've got nothing to talk about on my blog today."  So, I picked at it Thursday and then worked at it for several hours Friday.  I didn't get done, but I made significant progress.  I'm not going to show you everything yet , but here is s peek at what I got done! (Sorry for the horrible pictures!)



Thursday, February 9, 2012

Gratitude Challenge Week 2

 All photos courtesy of Crystal Wilkerson

This weeks challenge was great for me.  I have been trying for a while to focus on the more positive aspects in my life, but it's hard and this was a great reminder!  And may I just say, at first five minutes seems like it will take forever, but then your brain gets going and its easy!

 Ok here is my five minute list:

My house (even though I complain about it, it could be much worse.  We could have nowhere to live at all!)
That James has the opportunity to go to school
That James is loving school and doing well at it
We have food in our house
That all of my children are healthy
That I was blessed to have 3 little miracles
My Dad
Terry (he makes me smile daily!)
The amazing friends I get to be surrounded by!
My Dad's willingness to watch our kids if James and I need to go on a date
The opportunity to do something I love (selling shoes and sewing)
The wonderful examples that were set for me growing up
How wonderful and supportive James is
How willing James is to let me follow my passions
Parent Preschool
That TJ loves preschool so much
The ability to read, I don't know what I would do if I couldn't
My Calling
My musical abilities
My sister Jessica and how close we have gotten
My great extended family
My Grandma (I really miss her)
That James is close to graduation and has a couple good leads on jobs
The wonderful people who have been so willing to help us with our renovations
The simple things (Christal was talking about this at preschool yesterday and its so true!  I love things like playing games with my boys or when my house is clean or when my kids crawl into bed with James and I and say "aren't you hungry?" and then James and I, who are laying on either side of them, say "I am a little, I would really love a (insert name of whatever kiddo is between us) sandwhich" and then we squish them between us!  Its a game my parents used to play with me and my sisters and my kids love it as much as I did!)

I can think of way more, but the timer is going so I'm stopping there!  Try it, its great!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Weight Loss Wednesday

Have you ever seen this?

I'm not a runner, but I LOVE yoga!  However, I'm 100% sure that while I feel like this...

I look like this...

One Tooth (a store nearby that sells Canadian made althletic wear) offers free classes on Tuesday nights.  So, I signed my sister and I up!  I used to do yoga all the time while I was in university, and have done meditative yoga since, but it has been a REALLY long time since I did fit yoga.  I was shaking and I'm sure I looked ridiculous, but it was blissful!  I think I might actually pay the $5 and go to the local class on Monday and then the one at One Tooth on Tuesdays.  Maybe.  I don't know that I'm quite brave enough yet to look that foolish in front of people I know.

10+ on Tuesday

{1} I got a bunch of decorations for Valentine's Day a while ago and had every intention of decorating the middle of January.  It still hasn't happened. I'm hoping for today.

{2}  I'm loving all this warmer weather. I could handle winters like this all the time!  Especially days like today without the wind!

{3}  TJ has been having the WORST tantrums lately.  As in yesterday there might have been a total of and hour he wasn't screaming.  I'm at a complete loss of what to do.

{4}  I spent the morning doing shoe inventory, so my living room looked like this...

This was only half of it! And please ignore the mess on my shelves.  I REALLY need to get those doors painted and hung!
{5}  I had such a monster headache on  Sunday that I decided not to go to church.  I missed it.

{6}  It makes my heart so happy that TJ loves school so much.

{7}  It makes my heart even happier that you guys are leaving such awesome comments!  I love it!

{8} Myles keeps taking his diaper off, but has no concencept of when he has to go potty.  I HATE potty training!

{9} I think I need a day with no one else at my house so I can plough through my bedroom and maybe a few other projects!!

{10}  I don't know why we pay for James to have a cell phone.  He NEVER answers it!

{11}  I need to get some crafting in soon or I think I might DIE!  (Ok, that may be a slight exaggeration, but I have no one to craft with and I don't get around to it when I'm home! Dear Heather, please move back so I have an excuse to craft again!)

{12} Bedtime used to be SO easy at our house.  I loved it!  Between 6:30 and 7 was bathtime, then stories, scriptures, prayers and in bed by 7:30.  No arguing, no fussing.  The last week ahs been a different story.  TJ is screaming about everything lately, including bed, and has been insistent that he needs a soother, so he constantly steals Myles'.  (TJ hasn't had a soos for years!)  Myles has been playing in bed until midnight or later!  They boys share a room, so they keep each other up!  Ugg!

{13}  I can't wait til I can decorate my own house in my own style.  Sigh...

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Mommy Monday - Take Care of the Minutes and the Hours Take Care of Themselve

Towards the end of last year, I was feeling like I was accomplishing nothing.  It seemel like I was crazy busy, but nothing was getting done.  My house was messy, my kids were watching movies/tv ALL the time because I wasn't around to turn it off, zero renovations were getting finished... you get the idea.  It was making me extremely grumpy.  Then, the beginning of December, we found out that I was going to be losing my job at the end of December.  I was super stressed about how we were going to pay our bills (I still am, but thats another story!) but part of me was relieved that I would be able to stay home more and feel like I am actually doing what I want to do.  My job ending ended up getting pushed back to the end of January, but I knew the end was coming.  I immediately began thinking of what I wanted to change in my life.  And the planning began. 

I mentioned in a post last week that I got a new planner.  I've also mentioned I'm a little OCD.  I love organization and I love having a plan.  I used to have some serious issues with over planning.  I would expect way too much out of day.  My to do list would be completely unrealistic.  I'm getting better.  I also used to have a hard time adapting to changes in my scheudle.  I'm getting better, but still have a ways to go.  Ok, I'm getting off topic, back to the planner.

After doing a lot of research, I decided to go with the planner Crystal designed for several reasons.

{1} It's super cute.  I mean look at it!  It's so colourful!

all images from here
I used all of Crystal's pictures b/c she is a much better photographer than me!
{2} It fits in my purse.  In September I had bought another planner, and I loved everything about it except that it was on 8 1/2" x 11" paper.  It was so big that I never carried it around and it didn't get used.

{3}  I love that the daily schedule is split into 15 minutes.  It makes my planning much more realistic and gives me more checkpoints throughout the day.

 {4} It has this great section to list ten minute projects and one hour projects.  So, each day I schedule in two or three ten minute projects and, depending on the day, at least one one hour project.

{5}  It has a great meal planning section with a place to write recipes (which is great since I find so many of my recipes on pinterest!)

{6}  I love the weekly excercise planner.  It makes it really easy for me to wake up and know what I'm going to do.  I don't waste time deciding which video or whatever I'm doing.

{7}  I love that the budget section not only has a place to plan my monthly budget, but also an expense tracker for both my personal and business expenses! 

There are so many other things I love about the planner, I really love every aspect of it!  One of my very favorite things about it is that she has really designed it to promote finding balance and being inspired.  There are great quotes throughout, places to record your thoughts and inspirations, a whole section to list ways to be more balanced... Honestly, I could keep on going!  I only have one thing that I wish it had, and that is a grid style monthly calendar.  It does have a page for monthly appoinments, but I just function better with a grid I guess!  Even with working in January, I found I accomplished SO much more!  I'm hooked!  The best thing was that it is really inexpensive.  It's only $30 plus the cost of paper & ink and a binder (Staples for $6).  Total was about $45-50 dollars.  Worth every penny!  And next year I won't have to buy a binder! 

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Self Reliant Saturday

Today's post is lame. In fact, it's non-existent because I've been working since 8 this morning and won't be done until 11 tonight. But, I'm earning extra money to pay off debt and save for our house. So that's what I did today to become more self-reliant. How bout you?

{this is me being exhausted}

Friday, February 3, 2012

DIY Friday

Ahhh! I had a whole post written and somehow it disappeared! So, here it is in short form. I don't have a very exciting post for you this week. There was not much DIY brilliance around my house. However, I have a good reason. I was busy planning my DIY brilliance. (OCD, remember!) So, here are my main goals for this month.

{1} hang closet doors that have been in my living room for months

{2} paint and hang doors for entertainment unit

{3} clean/declutter/rearrange my bedroom & sewing room

{4} paint TJ's room green

{5} get Dad to commit to changing the color of the kitchen cabinets, then do it before he changes his mind!

{6} use my newly organized sewing room to do something crafty!

There we go. Now it's time to get to work!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Thankful Thursday

I'm a planner.  A list maker.  Maybe a little OCD.  I love planners.  I wasn't super thrilled with the one I had last year, so starting September, I began looking for a new one.  I tried one from Clean Mama Printables and it had some good aspects, but I didn't like that it fit in a big binder.  It wasn't easy to carry with me.  By December, I decided I needed a more portable planner (yes, I know I have and iPhone 4s, but technology and I rarely get along.  I'm trying, but I still don't have it mastered!)  I was on the hunt.  I wanted it to be cute and functional.  After many hours of searching, I came across this on pinterest (yay pinterest!)

image from here

I love it. It fits in my purse and it has all sorts of fabulous stuff with it. One of the fabulous things that came with it is the 30 Day Gratitude Challenge. She has collected 30 different quotes and then a journaling challenge along with each quote. I've decided to make it a 30 week rather than 30 day. Really give myself time to think! I may not blog all of my answers as they're pretty personal. In fact, I may end up not blogging many. But that's not the point. The point is I want to be more aware of my blessings. And this will help! So here goes!

Gratitude Challenge #1

Journal Challenge

This one is really challenging for me at this time. I feel like the last 10+ years have been so full of drama and trials that its hard to distinguish where one begins and another ends. (I've said countless times I should write a soap opera based on my life!) I know I've learned some things from them, but I'm sure hoping that what I've got so far isn't all I'm getting out of these doozies! But I'm trying. I especially love that last paragraph. I often feel guilty for not getting all "what am I supposed to learn from this" in the midst of some trials. But I don't need to feel guilty. I don't have to be grateful right now. I just have to determine to work on being grateful someday. And in the meantime, look for the joy in the other areas of my life. I kind of love that thought.

So, there you go. Week #1. Want to join in? Let me know! If you want to, I can try and figure out how to add one of those things where you can add your link. I may have to bribe someone smarter than me with brownies, but I'd do it! Even if you don't want to join in, try and spend more energy looking for the joy in your life this week!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Weight Loss Wednesday

I think this is by far the most difficult day for me.  It also the most necessary.  I have battled with my weight my entire life.  The thing is, I don't eat a lot.  I don't even eat very unhealthily (generally!)  I never have.  (Ok not quite never.  There was a breif 3 month peiod I'll talk about in a minute!) My mom never cooked with salt, I really don't like the taste of it.  I don't drink a lot of soda (maybe a 3 or 4 cans a week) and its always diet (I know, aspartame will kill me!).  I used to be quite and active person and, even now, I don't just sit and watch tv.  I'm moving.  I may not be working out like I used to or running or playing soccer, but I don't sit a whole lot during my day.  So, why am I gigantic?  There are a few reasons.

#1     I was my smallest while in university and even then, I was a 10/12.  However, I felt great about myself then.  Not because I was "skinny" (clearly a 12 is not skinny!) but because I felt healthy.  I had so much more energy and, while I was still a little self conscious, I learned to truly love myself, inside and out.  Then life happend and I had to move back home.  I was so depressed, I literally did nothing but eat, sleep and cry for three solid months.  It was an awful time.  I gained a TON of weight (not literally, but close enough!) I really just didn't care about anything.  At all.  I gained over 80 pounds in 3 months.  Yep, you read that right.  Crazy.  Stupid. 

#2     I have a very serious hormone imbalance.  Its why they thought I couldn't have kids and why my 3 little monkeys truly are miracles (I know every baby is a miracle, mine are just more so!).  Its why I'm tested for ovarian cancer regularly (I've had a couple of scares and its no fun!)  Its why my skin/hair/nails/ect don't do what normal peoples do.  Its why I'm super irregular (TMI?  Sorry!)  What does that have to do with weight loss you ask?  Well, estrogen is the hormone that makes girls girls, right? (I know, oversimplifying it!) My body goes through cycles.  I either have almost no estrogen or I have crazy excessive amounts.  Estrogen holds on to fat.  Thats why women naturally have a higher percentage of fat than men.  So, while my body is estrogen deprived, the little that is left is working overtime.  Like, 90 hour week kind of overtime.  One of its overtime duties is to hoard fat.  It fights to hold on to it.  While my my body is overrun with estrogen, its not fighting to hold onto it, but there are way more estrogen girls running around holding fat's hand than in a normal female body. 

SO, getting to the point, it is about 10x more difficult for me to lose weight than the average female.  Let me give you an example.  Shortly before I got pregnant with Kezia, I had decided the time had come to really get serious about this whole weight loss thing.  I joined the lifestyles program, which is run through the local clinic.  Basically, its a program to educate you about food and what you should and shouldn't eat, proper portion sizes ect.  They have this amazing scale that measures bone density ect and lets you know what weight would be ideal for you as well as fat percentage and water percentage and stuff like that.  So, I was going for weekly weigh ins.  I signed up for a bootcamp.  I got up at 5 am 3 mornings a week and went to this crazy stupid workout.  It was intense.  Even the skinny girls thought so!  The days I didn't have boot camp, I'd still get up at 5 and do a workout video of somekind.  After bootcamp/video, I'd do yoga for 45 minutes.  Most days (at least 4 days a week) my friend and I would load our kids in the stroller and go for a walk.  I'm not talking a walk around the block either.  I'm talking minimum 2 hour-usually closer to 3 or 4 hour walks.  Then at least 3 evenings a week I'd go for another walk or do another dvd.  Once summer came and the pool opened, I added early morning water aerobics after bootcamp, followed by morning lane swim and then occasionally afternoon lane swim.  I was watching what I was eating SO closely, keeping a journal, everything I was supposed to do.  I did this for just over 6 months.  Want to know the most I lost in a week during that 6 month period.  0.2 pounds.  Yup, not even one whole pound in a week.  And my fat percentage barely moved either.  Meanwhile, my friend who was doing the same thing I was doing was averaging 5-7 pounds a week.  Talk about frustrating.

So, why am I telling you all of this?  Because I know that this is going to be a very discouraging challenge for me and I need your help.  If you see me, even if I don't really look like I've lost anything, lie to me ;)  Don't let me give up, no matter how much I might yell about only losing .2 pounds.  Make me keep going.  Just keep sending your love my way.  I'll need it!